Daddy and Daughter Disney Day!
by FantasyBalance
Summary: Oh my gosh! Elizabeth and Booker go to Disneyland! Oh my gosh! Greatest story ever!


Once upon a time, in the city of Columbia, there lived a father and daughter who loved each other very much. They did everything together! They watched movies together. They went hang-gliding together. They ate Twinkies together. They pondered the structure of the space time continuum together.

And then one day, when they weren't busy shooting bad guys because that's what cool people did back in those days, they both decided that it was time to go to Disneyland. "Papa, please won't you take me to that most magical of places? Where I can dance and be merry and shoot splicers out in broad daylight."

"Dammit daughter, Splicers were from the first game. This is from goddamn Infinite now! You have to keep your universes straight."

"Oh yes," she looked down to the poorly described ground in shame. "I will try to keep that in mind for the future, father."

Booker grunted and laughed a jolly laugh. These are the sorts of laughs that can only be done by jolly men when they are feeling particularly jolly. Not just a little bit jolly either. But 'let's visit Disneyland' levels of jolly. "Oh my daughter, we are going to have so much fun!"

So then they drove to the most magical of kingdoms. Which was rather difficult, because they were up in the sky city of Columbia and Disneyland was all the way on the ground. And so, Booker did what any responsible parent would do given the situation.

"Elizabeth darling," he breathed in and out evenly. "I'm going to drive off the side of the world."

Elizabeth looked over at him with wide fearful eyes. "No! NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"I have to. It's the only way!"

"But why don't we just take a zeppelin instead."

"We're poor! We can't afford to take a Zeppelin!"

"Can't I just…" Elizabeth closed her eyes and thought happy thoughts. "…maybe I coul-"

"No Elizabeth, you can't open a tear through time and space again! I have a perfectly good plan. Now shut up and let me kill you!"

Booker slammed on the gas, and Elizabeth could feel her skull fly out of the back of her head. Booker would also notice that his cranial cavity had been ripped open, if his eyes laid anywhere but on the prize. And this prize was?

Disneyland for her girls sweet sixteen party!

"I told you honey," he said as his tongue had ripped off and splatted against the back window. "For your sweet sixteen, I was gonna do something real special for you!"

Elizabeth took back control of her skull, and had fortunately not lost her tongue. "But dad, my birthday isn't until next month."

Booker's eyebrows furrowed. Or at least they would if he had any eyebrows. "Sweet mother of Go-"

They fell off of Columbia, and began plummeting towards the Earth. It took all of Elizabeth's being to keep herself all in one piece. She wanted to scream, but her throat was hanging out the window. She tried to close her eyes, but her eyelids no longer existed. It was like looking the Devil straight in the eyes as he poked your butt with rusty contaminated nails.

The car slammed and crushed and exploded against the earth below. But fortunately for the father and daughter everything was okay. Elizabeth even got her eyelids back.

Booker was, however, missing his skin.

"Oh my gosh dad," Elizabeth squealed. "It's Disneyland! The most happiest and joyfulliest and amazingest place in the whole universe!"

But Booker could not respond. Because he was dead.

"Come on, daddy-o!" Elizabeth took her father's unusually dry and boney hand. "I think we should go on Indiana Jones first! Because, oh my god, Indiana Jones is such a stud. I wish he would use that whip on me, if you k- oh, I forgot, I'm not talking to my girlfriends right now. I'm with my daddy!"

The man at the front ticket booth looked a little concerned when the girl wanted to buy two tickets for both herself and her decomposing corpse friend. But, the man shrugged his shoulders, and figured if she was willing to pay there was no harm. After all, the Disney motto was "shut up and empty your wallet!"

"What was that?"

"Nu-nothing. I wasn't supposed to say that out loud." The ticket man crawled underneath the counter and went back to his fanfiction about Lara Croft and Speed Buggy and Jean Luc Picard hosting a disco.

It was the highlight of his week.

"Oh my gosh, look at the front gate! It's so shiny and everything is so pretty!" They entered the front gate and walked right down the middle of Main Street USA. One of Booker's arms snagged onto a little girls' stroller and ripped off, but Elizabeth didn't care a bit.

Because she was at freaking Disneyland!

They went on the Space Mountain rollercoaster ride. Elizabeth loved it very much. Booker did not. Because (can you guess the joke)?

They got off of their rocket shaped roller coaster car as she went sprinting off to the next ride. But Booker's jaw had flown off at some point while they were up in space, and if Elizabeth would only have looked behind her she would have seen that it had become firmly wedged into a Nazi's eye.

But she would not have cared. Cause Nazis are evil.

It was around this point that Booker began to stink, as most rotting corpses tend to do. And so, Elizabeth gave him some deodorant and some suntan lotion for good measure. Because she wouldn't want him to get a sunburn.

It was around the end of the day that Elizabeth began to notice that her father was missing his left leg and his spinal cord. Though she was only aware of this when a pigeon flew off with it.

"Give me back my father's spinal cord!" She screamed with a William Shatner passion. Then a realization dawned on her. "Daddy? … You're dead, huh?"

If Booker could nod, he would. But he couldn't. Because he was dead.

Elizabeth had a good time, anyways. She watched Fantasmic all by herself, without having to worry about her father. She got to ride Indiana Jones and break out of the vehicle so that she could explore the tombs all by herself.

Then something weird happened.

All the lights came on.

"Ma'am, get back in your vehicle and enjoy the goddamn experience!" It was a loud booming voice from up above.

Elizabeth ripped a portal back to Columbia, but not before she could still Indy's hat right from one of the animatronics. Which was quite a feat, because you would figure that those things would be bolted to the figure.

In seconds, Elizabeth had found herself back at home. And she was greeted with a plot twist.

"Oh my gosh! Daddy, you're not dead!"

Booker laughed like jolly hell. "There's no death in Infinite. If you die, there are just a million other mes from other universes. So I just had me from universe three take you to Disney."

"Oh papa, you are such a genius. It almost makes it okay that you committed manslaughter."  
"It does indeed darling. It does indeed."

Then they both turned towards an invisible fourth wall and peered outwards. They were peering at me. The twenty-something with no life writing about Booker and Elizabeth like I owned them.

Why don't I have a life? Where is my girlfriend? Why did she leave? Where are you girlfriend? Are you hiding under my bed? With boyfriend two? What are you doing down there?!

"Are you quite freaking done?" Booker and Elizabeth asked in unison, looking very cranky and irritated. It must be tough acting that out of character for over a thousand words.

And yes. Yes I was.

…Done, I mean.

X-X-X-X-X

_**Author's Notes:**_  
_**ME SQUISHY LIKE MARSHMELLOW!**_

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End file.
